DEAL WITH IT
“That kid can’t be legal,” Derek scowled. “He isn’t even a real stripper. Clearly.”
“Oh, c’mon, Deputy, lighten up,” Laura said drunkenly, her arm thrown across his shoulder. “It’s my hen’s night - ”
“Why am I here, again?”
“ - and this is the only stripper we could afford on short notice.”
“You might be breaking the law.”
“He’s legal! I swear. By, um. Something.”
“And how do you know?”
“He’s one of Lydia’s college friends.”
“Lydia Martin is barely legal, herself,” Derek pointed out.
“Exactly! So this guy’s barely legal, too. Emphasis on legal.”
“I worry about the future of your marriage.”
“I worry about the future of your future, brother mine. At this rate, you’re going to die alone. Snarling at poor stripper-boys that way.”
“I’m not snarling - ”
Just then, the stripper threw his track-pants.
Right at Derek’s head.
“Whoops,” he called from across the room and across a few dozen screaming female fans, his thumbs hooked in his boxer shorts. “Sorry to ruin your hairstyle, Sourcop.”
“How does he know I’m a cop?” Derek asked, whipping the track-pants off his head and throwing them on the floor.
“Uh, because you’ve got that Terminator look going on? Relax, Derek. There’s nothing illegal going on in this joint, except for how illegal it is to be that hot.” She jabbed a thumb at the stripper, who was gyrating against a pole in an obscene way, the multicolored lights sliding over his abs.
“He isn’t hot.”
“Says my homosexual brother who’s been sublimating his attraction for other men with his devotion to the law.”
“Laura,” Derek hissed. “Shut. Up.”
“Wow. If you get any deeper in the closet, you’ll end up in Narnia.”
if you call me by my real name in an ask that’s it we’re friends now you can’t escape me